Some Background
Note: It seems like there are a million questions about all this rolling around in my head. Therefore, my posts may seem a little hodge-podge at first as I lay out my thoughts, one at a time. I hope you will bear with me.
My little girl was 17 when we met and I was 18. She was a manager where I worked and over the years we have worked together pretty much wherever we have gone. If she wasn’t my direct boss, then she was always in a higher position than myself. Looking in from the outside she is a strong-willed, organized woman who has always ended up in a position of authority. While first impressions of lg (little girl) are of a sweet little thing (she is 5 feet even), she quickly earns respect from the people around her. As we have discovered, it is not uncommon for a sub to be almost the complete opposite in the ‘real world’.
Our relationship, as well as our sex life, from the very beginning, has been intense. lg has always submitted to my rather controlling demeanor and has enjoyed the assorted sexual adventures I have created over the years. While lg has always taken care of the mundane, day to day stuff, like keeping house and paying bills, ultimately, I have always made the decisions. When it came to sex (and now more than ever), lg was always a bottom, coming hardest when the sex was rough, or when I asked her to do something ‘kinky’.
Four months ago I got an untitled email from her with nothing in it but a link.
http://www.waitingforthepain.blogspot.com/
I read for about two hours and was enthralled by what I saw and what lg might be trying to tell me. Believe me when I say that I was extremely excited. I mean, I can’t think of any guy that wouldn’t be excited if their partner suddenly told them that she/he wanted to be dominated in every way. Of course, I didn’t know yet just how complicated all this could be.
Later that evening, lg and I talked about the blog she had sent me to and confirmed that yes, she did indeed want to talk about the possibility of trying this lifestyle. We talked for hours, about how our relationship has developed over the years. We both concluded that, in truth, we had been living a vanilla version of the Lifestyle for many years already. lg said that she thought that many of the problems we have had may have been from our inability to clarify what we both wanted and that, with the Lifestyle, the parameters of our relationship would be clearly defined. I agreed.
Our start into the Lifestyle the past four months has been slow, as I think it should be. We have kept it, for the most part, in our bedroom. It has been difficult due to outside influences (work, our twelve year old son) and by our own inexperience. While we have had several ‘sessions’ or ‘scenes’, some of them ending in major arguments, the Lifestyle outside the bedroom has been limited to things like my allowing her to wear thongs only or no panties at all and always lifting her skirt above her waist when riding in the car. All still very vanilla.
Some of the sessions that ended badly were my responsibility and some were hers.
Her Problem #1: lg has expressed her sincere desire for this change in our life and her desire to please me. She has always been inverted emotionally, growing up in a broken home. She has step-moms and step-dads all over the east coast. She has had to be responsible for herself and others since very early childhood. She is having a very hard time letting go of her control and submitting completely to me. She says she wants this, but then feels hurt or angry when I try to do it.
My Problem #1: I know what must be done to help her let go of control. I simply have to take it, breaking her down. There in lies my first big problem. A Dominant must be many things to their sub, confident and organized being two of the most important. But, since truthfully, lg and I basically grew up together, I give her credit for teaching me these qualities, which I must admit, I have not always had. This makes things difficult in several ways. First, she recognizes and is able to counter almost any method I use to dominate her. She knows me better than I do in a lot of ways. Second, I love this woman more than life itself, and the idea of ‘breaking her down’, while I know is what needs to be done, is a major risk. Breaking a person down can result in a broken person, and that is absolutely unacceptable. Also, how far do I break her down…I don’t want to or think I need to break her all the way. In fact, part of me is afraid that things in our relationship that are good, and have taken years to develop, might be damaged.
Possible Solution: Take it slow. While, at first, the way our new Lifestyle has been materializing seemed disorganized, I think that I am on the right track. lg is starting to trust in my ability more each day. This past weekend our only scheduled session was canceled due to our son wanting friends to spend the night at the last minute. On Sunday morning, however, I woke her up by putting a finger in her ass, which is something she has always had trouble with. She woke up kicking and screaming. I held her down, keeping my finger in place, until the yelling turned to crying and pleading. Still, I held it in place. She buried her face into my chest and cried hard. Harder, I think, than the single finger warranted. Finally her sobs subsided, and I gently pulled my finger out of her and held her close for a long while. When we finally got out of bed she told me that she loved me and was in a better mood than I have seen her in for quite awhile.
I know that we are heading for a full blown, week-long Training Session. I know that I DO have to break down many walls to get her to where she wants to be. I just have to have self control with my horniness and confidence in myself to know what to do, how long to do it and how far to go.
My little girl was 17 when we met and I was 18. She was a manager where I worked and over the years we have worked together pretty much wherever we have gone. If she wasn’t my direct boss, then she was always in a higher position than myself. Looking in from the outside she is a strong-willed, organized woman who has always ended up in a position of authority. While first impressions of lg (little girl) are of a sweet little thing (she is 5 feet even), she quickly earns respect from the people around her. As we have discovered, it is not uncommon for a sub to be almost the complete opposite in the ‘real world’.
Our relationship, as well as our sex life, from the very beginning, has been intense. lg has always submitted to my rather controlling demeanor and has enjoyed the assorted sexual adventures I have created over the years. While lg has always taken care of the mundane, day to day stuff, like keeping house and paying bills, ultimately, I have always made the decisions. When it came to sex (and now more than ever), lg was always a bottom, coming hardest when the sex was rough, or when I asked her to do something ‘kinky’.
Four months ago I got an untitled email from her with nothing in it but a link.
http://www.waitingforthepain.blogspot.com/
I read for about two hours and was enthralled by what I saw and what lg might be trying to tell me. Believe me when I say that I was extremely excited. I mean, I can’t think of any guy that wouldn’t be excited if their partner suddenly told them that she/he wanted to be dominated in every way. Of course, I didn’t know yet just how complicated all this could be.
Later that evening, lg and I talked about the blog she had sent me to and confirmed that yes, she did indeed want to talk about the possibility of trying this lifestyle. We talked for hours, about how our relationship has developed over the years. We both concluded that, in truth, we had been living a vanilla version of the Lifestyle for many years already. lg said that she thought that many of the problems we have had may have been from our inability to clarify what we both wanted and that, with the Lifestyle, the parameters of our relationship would be clearly defined. I agreed.
Our start into the Lifestyle the past four months has been slow, as I think it should be. We have kept it, for the most part, in our bedroom. It has been difficult due to outside influences (work, our twelve year old son) and by our own inexperience. While we have had several ‘sessions’ or ‘scenes’, some of them ending in major arguments, the Lifestyle outside the bedroom has been limited to things like my allowing her to wear thongs only or no panties at all and always lifting her skirt above her waist when riding in the car. All still very vanilla.
Some of the sessions that ended badly were my responsibility and some were hers.
Her Problem #1: lg has expressed her sincere desire for this change in our life and her desire to please me. She has always been inverted emotionally, growing up in a broken home. She has step-moms and step-dads all over the east coast. She has had to be responsible for herself and others since very early childhood. She is having a very hard time letting go of her control and submitting completely to me. She says she wants this, but then feels hurt or angry when I try to do it.
My Problem #1: I know what must be done to help her let go of control. I simply have to take it, breaking her down. There in lies my first big problem. A Dominant must be many things to their sub, confident and organized being two of the most important. But, since truthfully, lg and I basically grew up together, I give her credit for teaching me these qualities, which I must admit, I have not always had. This makes things difficult in several ways. First, she recognizes and is able to counter almost any method I use to dominate her. She knows me better than I do in a lot of ways. Second, I love this woman more than life itself, and the idea of ‘breaking her down’, while I know is what needs to be done, is a major risk. Breaking a person down can result in a broken person, and that is absolutely unacceptable. Also, how far do I break her down…I don’t want to or think I need to break her all the way. In fact, part of me is afraid that things in our relationship that are good, and have taken years to develop, might be damaged.
Possible Solution: Take it slow. While, at first, the way our new Lifestyle has been materializing seemed disorganized, I think that I am on the right track. lg is starting to trust in my ability more each day. This past weekend our only scheduled session was canceled due to our son wanting friends to spend the night at the last minute. On Sunday morning, however, I woke her up by putting a finger in her ass, which is something she has always had trouble with. She woke up kicking and screaming. I held her down, keeping my finger in place, until the yelling turned to crying and pleading. Still, I held it in place. She buried her face into my chest and cried hard. Harder, I think, than the single finger warranted. Finally her sobs subsided, and I gently pulled my finger out of her and held her close for a long while. When we finally got out of bed she told me that she loved me and was in a better mood than I have seen her in for quite awhile.
I know that we are heading for a full blown, week-long Training Session. I know that I DO have to break down many walls to get her to where she wants to be. I just have to have self control with my horniness and confidence in myself to know what to do, how long to do it and how far to go.
C.
posted by Blogger at 11:42 AM
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