No Session Again This Weekend

We had another great weekend spending quality time together for the third or fourth weekend in a row. Our discussions of this new lifestyle are already providing something for us that we have needed for a long time. And, truthfully, it has nothing to do with D/s. We used to spend time together as much as we could, but after so many years together, we had started using spare time for our own selfish needs to the detriment of our relationship.

Saturday night, with the boy spending the night with a friend, was, once again, supposed to be session time. Once again, we ended up talking all night and never got to the session. This is my fault. Here are a few reasons I think so.

1. We get very little ‘alone’ time together. When we DO get some, and things are going well, I want to spend time talking with the only person who understands me. At this point, this preempts my desire to discipline or even have sex with lg. This worries me a little. I want to help lg get to where she wants to be in this lifestyle, but, so far, I have mostly chosen not to, prefering to talk with her. The reason I am only a little worried is that I believe the talking will help me immensely when we DO start session regularly.

2. I’m afraid. There, I said it. The responsibility that comes along with trying to manage lg’s life (which, essentially, is what she is asking for) is weighing on me heavily. The first steps we are taking towards this goal involves her sexuality. The line that I will have to toe is precarious. She wants me to extend her desires, but in order to do that, I have to cross that line into uncharted areas, and find a place to draw a new line; a line that will be crossed again in the future. Scary shit.

3. How can I start managing lg’s life when I can barely manage mine. This is self-doubt talking, because I know that I AM managing my life very well now. I haven’t always, in the past. And it has been lg that has managed both our lives in the past to get me to this point. So who am I to tell her how she should run her life? Intelligently, I know the answer. Because it’s my turn and I owe it to her. Emotionally, however, it’s hard to get past the 15 or so years that she did it for me.

So I will continue to enjoy the fairly vanilla ways that lg uses to show her obedience and prove her submission to me and pay close attention to the discussions we have. She has to cross that line first, in order to give the reigns of her life to me and she is coming closer everyday. I just have to be ready and able (I have been willing my whole life) to take those reigns when she is ready to give them to me.

On a lighter subject: lg’s training in giving head are cumming (sorry…couldn’t help myself) along beautifully. She has been spending five minutes a day worshiping my cock. If, for any reason, she is unable to do this, the five minutes is tacked on to the next day. On Sunday morning, it was up to 20 minutes. She only gagged once that I noticed and has been getting deeper every time she does it. And she has started moaning. Oh, my, how that pleases me. With her having to worry about gagging less and less, I believe she is actually starting to enjoy it (I always new she would, eventually). And she did something that she has only done three or four times since we have been together. I came on her face. AND she left her mouth open so some cum got in (not much but still). AND she didn’t immediately act as if I had burned her with acid! lol

Also, annissa (www.lifeashis.com) was given an assignment of coming up with a list of 101 things about herself. It is a great idea, especially the way she did it. So, lg and I are both doing our own lists. They will be posted as soon as we finish them. As annissa pointed out, it’s not nearly as easy a task as I had originally expected it to be.

Thanks for reading.

Keep Living.

C.