And The Stress Continues...
I was wrong in a previous post…the deadline for the boy’s trip is May 15, so we have 10 days left. The stress is building for both lg and I, but it’s harder for lg. I am usually able to let issues go when I know there isn’t anything I can do about it at that moment. lg is not like this. She will think about every little aspect of what is going on until it makes her sick. To her credit, she is much better at letting things go now than she used to be, but it is still a struggle.
The money situation is a little overwhelming. I mean, when you have to worry about how much milk you’re drinking, you know your cutting things close. We sent out letters to all of our family and some close family friends to ask for financial help with our son’s trip. I absolutely hated sending those letters…I don’t want to ask anyone for anything. But, I couldn’t let my pride be responsible for him missing this opportunity, so we sent them. Boy, you really get to see who is who when you do something like that. For instance, lg’s grandparents, who are on a fixed income, sent $250 while a close friend, who has known the boy all his life and happens to be a multi-millionaire, sent $100. I know, how could I possibly complain, he didn’t have to send anything, but damn, he knows what our financial situation is and it feels like that $100 is him flipping us a quarter and saying “Don’t bother me!” Others have yet to send anything and if they don’t, then we may be in real trouble.
Our work has been very stressful lately too. Last week I got into a heated discussion with my boss. She is one of those people that is much more interested in appearances than in reality. To her, if everyone looks happy, then they are and that is the way she likes it. To hell with the fact that people aren’t happy. She wants no conflict, ever, even if a little conflict can take care of a problem and actually make things better. She ended our ‘discussion’ by saying “…if you don’t like your job here, then why don’t you just find another one!” I calmly left the building. An hour later, I had to go back and kiss her ass to keep my job, even though I was absolutely right. I was still wiping the shit off my chin when I got home that night. Ten years ago I would have told her exactly what I thought of the stupid bitch, but I have learned not to burn bridges unless it is absolutely necessary. I am currently looking for another job.
lg works at the same place I do on the same floor. We deal with the same people, so when all that happened last week, lg had to deal with it at work as well as at home. She handled it well, like we always do when it comes to work (we have worked at the same place together at four different companies in two different fields over the last twenty years). But it still adds to our overall stress level.
In addition, the boy has gotten a D on both of his last two report cards. He has started dating and is putting his social life ahead of school work. I know this is normal for his age (twelve), but again, it adds to stress. I, personally, am having trouble with the fact that he is not only dating girls with boobs, they are HOT! Maybe I’m crazy, but I don’t remember twelve year old girls looking like that when I was twelve! I took the boy’s girlfriend and his best friend’s girlfriend home from the movies last Friday night and couldn’t believe that their parents would let them out of the house dressed like that! They both had on white, skin-tight blouses that left absolutely nothing to the imagination, and mini-skirts so fucking short, I could see both their panties in the headlights of my car as they walked up the driveway of their house after I dropped them off! I have had several talks with the boy about sex, drugs and life in general, but I think he is due for another. Still, thank God we had a boy!
And it all adds to our stress.
And then there is lg and I, and the ways our relationship is changing. All the things we have been talking about and dealing with and the closeness I think we are getting to should not be adding to our stress, but helping relieve it. It doesn’t seem to be, though.
lg has been very withdrawn in the last week or so. I have done nothing to try to change this, believing that she needs time on her own. I know that I do. While I think that a few whacks from the cane would help her let go of the things that she cannot control right now, I don’t push the subject, or even bring up D/s issues right now. Mainly because I don’t want her feeling like she is being punished for anything she is doing right now. She is taking care of things in her life the best way she can. I only want to have a session to distract her, and me, but NOT to punish her.
Day before yesterday, lg started trying to catch up on her blowjob sessions. She had got up to owing me seventy minutes. Again, I did not make an issue of it except to mention how long she owed every now and then. On her own, she decided to start catching up on Tuesday. She spent five minutes of every hour sucking until 11pm. It was very pleasant for me (she is getting extremely good at it!), if a little frustrating considering we did not have sex that night. She told me before we went to sleep that she wanted to make sure that I didn’t think that her moodiness lately was because of me. I told her that I knew that and that she should just concentrate on herself with whatever free time she had (which isn’t much). Today, during lunch, she said again that she felt that I was angry/upset/depressed about her distance from me. I told her that I understood and that it was OK. All I can do right now, I think, is keep letting her do what she needs to and try to support her whenever I can.
I know that all this doesn’t really sound like a couple into D/s. The truth is we are NOT a D/s couple…yet. We are working into it the way we have worked into other stages of our lives like we always have. And we have always survived the transition and have come out of it stronger. Sure, I want to ravage lg whenever I want. I want to feel the welts on her ass under my fingertips and hear her thank me for them. And I believe I will. But like anything worthwhile, it’s worth waiting for.
God, I can’t wait for July!
C.
The money situation is a little overwhelming. I mean, when you have to worry about how much milk you’re drinking, you know your cutting things close. We sent out letters to all of our family and some close family friends to ask for financial help with our son’s trip. I absolutely hated sending those letters…I don’t want to ask anyone for anything. But, I couldn’t let my pride be responsible for him missing this opportunity, so we sent them. Boy, you really get to see who is who when you do something like that. For instance, lg’s grandparents, who are on a fixed income, sent $250 while a close friend, who has known the boy all his life and happens to be a multi-millionaire, sent $100. I know, how could I possibly complain, he didn’t have to send anything, but damn, he knows what our financial situation is and it feels like that $100 is him flipping us a quarter and saying “Don’t bother me!” Others have yet to send anything and if they don’t, then we may be in real trouble.
Our work has been very stressful lately too. Last week I got into a heated discussion with my boss. She is one of those people that is much more interested in appearances than in reality. To her, if everyone looks happy, then they are and that is the way she likes it. To hell with the fact that people aren’t happy. She wants no conflict, ever, even if a little conflict can take care of a problem and actually make things better. She ended our ‘discussion’ by saying “…if you don’t like your job here, then why don’t you just find another one!” I calmly left the building. An hour later, I had to go back and kiss her ass to keep my job, even though I was absolutely right. I was still wiping the shit off my chin when I got home that night. Ten years ago I would have told her exactly what I thought of the stupid bitch, but I have learned not to burn bridges unless it is absolutely necessary. I am currently looking for another job.
lg works at the same place I do on the same floor. We deal with the same people, so when all that happened last week, lg had to deal with it at work as well as at home. She handled it well, like we always do when it comes to work (we have worked at the same place together at four different companies in two different fields over the last twenty years). But it still adds to our overall stress level.
In addition, the boy has gotten a D on both of his last two report cards. He has started dating and is putting his social life ahead of school work. I know this is normal for his age (twelve), but again, it adds to stress. I, personally, am having trouble with the fact that he is not only dating girls with boobs, they are HOT! Maybe I’m crazy, but I don’t remember twelve year old girls looking like that when I was twelve! I took the boy’s girlfriend and his best friend’s girlfriend home from the movies last Friday night and couldn’t believe that their parents would let them out of the house dressed like that! They both had on white, skin-tight blouses that left absolutely nothing to the imagination, and mini-skirts so fucking short, I could see both their panties in the headlights of my car as they walked up the driveway of their house after I dropped them off! I have had several talks with the boy about sex, drugs and life in general, but I think he is due for another. Still, thank God we had a boy!
And it all adds to our stress.
And then there is lg and I, and the ways our relationship is changing. All the things we have been talking about and dealing with and the closeness I think we are getting to should not be adding to our stress, but helping relieve it. It doesn’t seem to be, though.
lg has been very withdrawn in the last week or so. I have done nothing to try to change this, believing that she needs time on her own. I know that I do. While I think that a few whacks from the cane would help her let go of the things that she cannot control right now, I don’t push the subject, or even bring up D/s issues right now. Mainly because I don’t want her feeling like she is being punished for anything she is doing right now. She is taking care of things in her life the best way she can. I only want to have a session to distract her, and me, but NOT to punish her.
Day before yesterday, lg started trying to catch up on her blowjob sessions. She had got up to owing me seventy minutes. Again, I did not make an issue of it except to mention how long she owed every now and then. On her own, she decided to start catching up on Tuesday. She spent five minutes of every hour sucking until 11pm. It was very pleasant for me (she is getting extremely good at it!), if a little frustrating considering we did not have sex that night. She told me before we went to sleep that she wanted to make sure that I didn’t think that her moodiness lately was because of me. I told her that I knew that and that she should just concentrate on herself with whatever free time she had (which isn’t much). Today, during lunch, she said again that she felt that I was angry/upset/depressed about her distance from me. I told her that I understood and that it was OK. All I can do right now, I think, is keep letting her do what she needs to and try to support her whenever I can.
I know that all this doesn’t really sound like a couple into D/s. The truth is we are NOT a D/s couple…yet. We are working into it the way we have worked into other stages of our lives like we always have. And we have always survived the transition and have come out of it stronger. Sure, I want to ravage lg whenever I want. I want to feel the welts on her ass under my fingertips and hear her thank me for them. And I believe I will. But like anything worthwhile, it’s worth waiting for.
God, I can’t wait for July!
C.
posted by Blogger at 2:30 PM
2 Comments:
Just wanted to say I hope you guys get the dough together so your son can go to camp and y'all can have some time to yourselves. Best of luck!
Thanks anna...
I have to say...I wasn't sure anyone actually read my blog...not that that matters. But it's nice to see a comment for a change...lol
It's nice to meet you...and I liked your blog.
Hope to talk to you some time.
Keep Living.
C.
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