Thanks for the comments! People really are reading this...lol
I decided to post my response to the comments from my previous post because I’m not sure how many characters the comments section will allow, and as some may have noticed, I can ramble on a bit.
Kalem – Since I got the link from your blog, I had the feeling you would like the first one. If I’m not mistaken, it’s very similar to yours.
Anonymous – Thanks for the input. Since we are new at this, the difference between latex and leather never really crossed my mind. Something to keep in mind, for sure. As far as MY choosing the collar that I like, I happily give this choice to lg. My grandfather used to raise and train horses and he used to say that while corporal punishment was a very big part of the training process, there were other more subtle means of getting the horse to do as he wanted, especially at first. You have to find a way to make them feel THEY are the ones making the decision. lg and I are at the gate of this lifestyle, peering through to the other side, toeing that ‘line’. We can see the surface of things in there, but we have to ENTER the gate to get the deeper understanding that we are looking for. And its scary as Hell! Especially for lg. And anything that helps her step through is, at this point, the most important thing.
Terri – I like them all too! : )
Nuala – My response to your comment is also a response to the last part of anonymous’s as well. Right now lg and I are not 24/7. I think it has to start out this way and because of this, lg is having trouble separating ‘real’ life with our D/s experimentation. It is also hard for her to let go of control, considering she is somewhat of a controloholic in her ‘real’ life. I believe this is at the core of her desire for this lifestyle in the first place. When I collar her it will be a symbol of her submission and my dominance of her, but also a concrete representation of who she is when she wears it. She will no longer be my wife, but my little girl, whom I can do with as I please, separating her two lives. She will be expected to do as I ask, without question. Our D/s time may not always be this way, but I wish not to project what way it will be. We will start out this way and see how things progress. I think that her doing this will help her in her ‘real’ life in so many ways, and that the two lives may eventually start to blend together like is apparent with some of the more experienced subs whose blogs I read. But again, this is a projection. So, I agree that the collar must mean what it implies. This is why I chose only collars with rings attached; so that there is no confusion as to what it represents. lg has found quite a few collars that she likes and wants that are frilly and pretty and she will get them when the time comes. But her first, like you both said, should be utilitarian and be representative of her commitment to this. How often will she wear it? Well, after I collar her on that Friday in June (which I think we are taking off from work as well as Thursday for obvious reasons), she will wear it until Sunday evening. We will then discuss the weekend together and make determinations about how and when we will do it again, for how long, etc.
I know it may seem to a lot of people who read my blog, especially other subs, that I worry about what lg wants maybe too much; that, as a dom, kowtowing to her so much is contradictory to what she actually wants. But the fact is that we MUST go slow. Think back to when you first started a D/s or M/s relationship for the first time. There are so many nuances to any relationship and this lifestyle only adds more. Plus, many of the subs I read started those relationships with the lifestyle in mind from the beginning. lg and I have a twenty year history together. Some of the things that kept us together help us in this new lifestyle, but others make it harder and in some cases, have to be unlearned. And as I said in one of my very first posts here, I will not allow any of this to jeopardize what we have taken so long to build.
It is a huge help to get feedback to my thoughts and helps me work through them and get on to new issues. When Gabriel and kaylem came back to us after their scare, they talked about how they had to come back because the online community was their only support system. This is the same for us. My best friends are lg’s brothers, so I can’t even bring up vanilla sex in our normal ‘guy’ talk, let alone D/s. So, thanks for the comments and I look forward to any advice/criticisms anyone has for me.
C.
Kalem – Since I got the link from your blog, I had the feeling you would like the first one. If I’m not mistaken, it’s very similar to yours.
Anonymous – Thanks for the input. Since we are new at this, the difference between latex and leather never really crossed my mind. Something to keep in mind, for sure. As far as MY choosing the collar that I like, I happily give this choice to lg. My grandfather used to raise and train horses and he used to say that while corporal punishment was a very big part of the training process, there were other more subtle means of getting the horse to do as he wanted, especially at first. You have to find a way to make them feel THEY are the ones making the decision. lg and I are at the gate of this lifestyle, peering through to the other side, toeing that ‘line’. We can see the surface of things in there, but we have to ENTER the gate to get the deeper understanding that we are looking for. And its scary as Hell! Especially for lg. And anything that helps her step through is, at this point, the most important thing.
Terri – I like them all too! : )
Nuala – My response to your comment is also a response to the last part of anonymous’s as well. Right now lg and I are not 24/7. I think it has to start out this way and because of this, lg is having trouble separating ‘real’ life with our D/s experimentation. It is also hard for her to let go of control, considering she is somewhat of a controloholic in her ‘real’ life. I believe this is at the core of her desire for this lifestyle in the first place. When I collar her it will be a symbol of her submission and my dominance of her, but also a concrete representation of who she is when she wears it. She will no longer be my wife, but my little girl, whom I can do with as I please, separating her two lives. She will be expected to do as I ask, without question. Our D/s time may not always be this way, but I wish not to project what way it will be. We will start out this way and see how things progress. I think that her doing this will help her in her ‘real’ life in so many ways, and that the two lives may eventually start to blend together like is apparent with some of the more experienced subs whose blogs I read. But again, this is a projection. So, I agree that the collar must mean what it implies. This is why I chose only collars with rings attached; so that there is no confusion as to what it represents. lg has found quite a few collars that she likes and wants that are frilly and pretty and she will get them when the time comes. But her first, like you both said, should be utilitarian and be representative of her commitment to this. How often will she wear it? Well, after I collar her on that Friday in June (which I think we are taking off from work as well as Thursday for obvious reasons), she will wear it until Sunday evening. We will then discuss the weekend together and make determinations about how and when we will do it again, for how long, etc.
I know it may seem to a lot of people who read my blog, especially other subs, that I worry about what lg wants maybe too much; that, as a dom, kowtowing to her so much is contradictory to what she actually wants. But the fact is that we MUST go slow. Think back to when you first started a D/s or M/s relationship for the first time. There are so many nuances to any relationship and this lifestyle only adds more. Plus, many of the subs I read started those relationships with the lifestyle in mind from the beginning. lg and I have a twenty year history together. Some of the things that kept us together help us in this new lifestyle, but others make it harder and in some cases, have to be unlearned. And as I said in one of my very first posts here, I will not allow any of this to jeopardize what we have taken so long to build.
It is a huge help to get feedback to my thoughts and helps me work through them and get on to new issues. When Gabriel and kaylem came back to us after their scare, they talked about how they had to come back because the online community was their only support system. This is the same for us. My best friends are lg’s brothers, so I can’t even bring up vanilla sex in our normal ‘guy’ talk, let alone D/s. So, thanks for the comments and I look forward to any advice/criticisms anyone has for me.
C.
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