A Quick Post for nuala...

Here are a couple poems for you, nuala...They have helped me deal with The Monster I call my son on more than one occassion...
: )

A Parent's Prayer

~Author Unknown~

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my sanity to keep.
For if some peace I do not find,I
'm pretty sure I'll lose my mind.
I pray I find a little quiet,
Far from the daily family riot.
May I lie back and not have to think
About what they're stuffing down the sink,
Or who they're with, or where they're at
And what they're doing to the cat.
I pray for time all to myself
(did something just fall off a shelf?)
To cuddle in my nice, soft bed
(Oh no, another goldfish--dead!)
Some silent moments for goodness sake
(Did I just hear a window break?)
And that I need not cook or clean(
well heck, I've got the right to dream)
Yes now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my wits about me keep,
But as I look around I know,
I must have lost them (my wits) long ago!



If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again

by Diane Loomans

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd finger-paint more, and point the fingers less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I'd teach less about the love of power,
And more about the power of love.



I hope you start feeling better soon. : )

Keep Living Well.

C.

Update

We go to pick up the boy at the airport at 11pm tonight! He only called us once (figures) so we are both extremely excited to see him and get all the details. We took off work tomorrow so that we could spend the day with him and then, after work on Friday, we are doing Disney for the weekend. I know, he is probably tired as Hell, but if he thought he was going to get through the whole summer without doing anything with us, he is sadly mistaken! lol
So, I’m not going to dwell on any bad stuff for the next few days. It’s all about having fun with my family in a classic family sort of way, whether we can afford it or not!

Keep Living Well.

C.

Countdown...

Ten:
Cuffs attached with care to the bar,
Her wrists dangle loosely above her,
Blindfolded eyes,
And open, drooling mouth.

Nine:
Whispers in her ear,
From the Man of her dreams,
Sensual phrases and guttural noises,
And four letter words of encouragement.

Eight:
Hands soft on her mass,
Exploring her dimensions,
Leather biting soft flesh,
Metal biting hard flesh.

Seven:
Chains placed and dangle,
From clandestine places,
Weighted and situated,
For maximum affect.

Six:
Moans escape her, sounding more like screams,
Breathless words of pleading,
And supplicated movements,
Meant to be ignored.

Five:
Increasing paces for a heart that races,
Leather falling,
Faster,
Harder.

Four:
Admonishments from her own mind,
Unwilling to let go,
But unable to stop it,
She starts to cry.

Three:
Time and space blend,
No idea where or when,
Today begins,
Or tomorrow ends.

Two:
Narrow passages traveled,
To distant places,
Her mind everywhere at once,
With only one voice to guide her.

One:
An escalation of mind and sensation,
And an overwhelming detonation,
Of dreams and beliefs colliding,
In one final moment of bliss.

Zero:
Then collapsing, body and soul,
Into strong arms,
Trusting paid in full,
From her to Him,
And back again.

Just Felt Like Writing...

S omewhere between her
U nassuming character, her
B estowment of control, and her
M andate of my authority,
.I
S ee her for what she is and
S upport her
.I n all her
V estal and non-vestal
E ndeavors.

D etermined to manage the
O bsession in my heart,
M y desire for control and
.I nitiate a better way to
N avigate myself
A nd determine the
N eeds and wants of
T hose in my charge.

Keep Living.

C.

A Realization & An Explanation

Well, our two week 24/7 trial period is over. lg and I talked about it and she decided that she wanted to continue it for a while. This is more than I could have hoped for.
I have been looking at the things I did differently during the past two weeks and realized that, well, I didn’t act much differently than normal. The difference was that we kept our new way of looking at our life in the forefront of our minds.
Since we started looking into all this several months ago, I have been trying to ‘act’ like a Dom. I have been changing the way I deal with lg in ways that I am starting to discover are not necessary. Things like telling her to do something rather than asking her to do it. I realize now that it doesn’t matter how I word my ‘commands’, only how lg responds to them.
lg has been my sub for many, many years…I just never put a label on it before. She has gotten me out of bed in the morning, made me breakfast if I wanted it, did my laundry, cooked practically all my meals and done her best to make me happy for as long as we have been together. So, when we went into ‘Dom/sub’ mode, I had expected to see all these new attributes in lg and a generally different sort of interaction between us. This did not happen. My idea of a good submissive is her knowing what to do to make her Dom happy without being told. What happened was that I realized even more how submissive lg has been to me all these years, and what a good job she has always done. Another difference during our trial period was that lg was much more upbeat and happy to be there with me, doing things for me. I think this lifestyle is good for us because it keeps our attention on each other better than we usually do.
I also think that lg, at first, also expected me to ‘direct’ her more…to help her in area’s that she struggles (which I do). The problem with this is that she does not need nearly as much help with her life struggles as she thinks she does; that she doesn’t need my help in as many areas as she thought she did. She is the strongest woman I have ever met, despite her submissive nature. My job, as her Dom, is to help her realize this, and in doing so, make some realizations about myself, as well. lg and I have never been closer than we are today.
I am starting to discover that we will never be seen as a ‘traditional’ D/s couple when it comes to everyday life. In the bedroom, we will surely keep pushing the limits sexually, but in ‘real’ life, our relationship, even behind closed doors, will never ‘look’ like we are D/s. That is us and is just fine by me, but brings me to the second part of this post.

I have been posting some on the TPE forums lately…with some very mixed reactions from the other members. Everyone has been very polite and non-confrontational in the forum itself, but I believe that I have pissed off more than a few of them and have received some nasty emails about it. My post in “Abuse Guidelines” really got under some peoples skin, and this saddens me a bit. I started the post by saying that I am NOT an experienced Dom and am new to this lifestyle and that my views were from that perspective. I was hoping that people would understand that my views may be…naïve?...on the subject and that I was putting it out there for the purpose of discussion, not as a statement of fact.
I have some responsibility in their reactions though. I posted on the forum very similarly to the way I post here. Posting on a forum, though, is NOT the same. This blog is mine and mine alone, so I can say whatever I want. On a forum, however, it is an online ‘public’ place; a town hall, if you will. Also, if I post here on a subject that might be controversial, the people who read it are likely to have read my blog for a while and will have a better perspective of how I came to the conclusions I did, or can at least read back to find out.
So, unfortunately, I feel like I have to be guarded about what I post on the forum. I will do a lot more lurking to find useful information there and will limit my active participation. This online community has been a Godsend for me and for lg, and the last thing I want to do is ostracize us from it.

Keep Living Well.

C.

A Little More to Deal With...

As if we don’t have enough going on, we got a notice on our door the other day stating that the owners of our building are selling each individual unit as condos and that they can evict us with fifteen days notice. GREAT!
So, we are now in the process of finding a real estate agent to help us figure out if we can buy a house. We have always rented and our credit is far less than perfect. Some more changes in our life to be nervous about. I haven’t the slightest idea of how to go about buying a house but, luckily, we have contacts from work that will lead us in the right direction. The property values in our area are through the friggin roof, and we want to stay in the same school district, so who knows what will happen. On to a happier topic.
If you went to lg’s blog, then you know that our two week 24/7 trial has been going very well. She has been taking her new duties in stride and her attitude has been exemplary. She seems to be happier and more content than usual and that is more than I had expected. Example: Night before last lg came into the bedroom holding her collar. She asked if she could wear it for awhile, even though her brother was expected to come over. The look on her face was priceless. She looked like a cute little puppy dragging its leash to its master, asking to go for a walk. I buckled her into it and relished in her transformation to the demure little girl I expect. She then told me that I could make her wear it a lot more if I wanted to. This is unusual for lg. She has, from the beginning of our experimenting, said that she wasn’t sure if the collar was something she wanted to be a part of all this. She also has a small phobia of having things around her neck and has never worn chokers. So, when she came into the bedroom specifically asking to be collared, it was a definite sign of progress and of her ability to stop being so nervous.
Another change that I have noticed is how wet lg is all the time. She has always been a gusher once she is in the sack and engaged in some fun, but to be able to reach under her dress at almost anytime of day or night and feel her gushing is something very new. Again, a good sign that she is, in fact, enjoying all this.
I also have realized that I have to pay a lot of attention to her while in a 24/7 situation. I am used to falling into bed and watching TV or playing video games when all of my responsibilities are taken care of and letting lg go about whatever it is she wants to do. Several times during this two weeks, though, I have found myself doing this and then realizing that lg needs some kind of attention; that she is just laying on the sofa, vegetating, which is not like her. Lack of direction for her on my part. Taking control of lg’s life has, in a very concrete way, made me take a hard look at my own. The responsible adult I thought that I was is just not enough. I have always been a ‘go with the flow’ type of person, allowing life to lead me where it may. I have no regrets about where my life has gone so far, but the truth is that I have just been very lucky. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not changing my whole concept on life, but I am taking a more active role in where life leads us now. I still ‘go with the flow’ but am starting to realize that there are more than one ‘flow’ and that I can choose which ‘flow’ I want to go with. And this is a direct result of our, in lg’s words, immersion into D/s. Overall, I think that this whole thing is not only bringing lg and I closer together, it is affecting all aspects of our lives in a positive way.

Keep Living Well.

C.

lg has a new post...

Here is lg's first post in a long time...

http://www.submissionbound.blogspot.com/

A note about lg's blog: Writing is something that lg is not very comfortable doing...especially when others will be reading it. She is a much better writer than she thinks and will gain confidence the more she does it (like all the new things we are doing lately). Also, we do not currently have the 'net at home (a money thing) so we do all our posting from work. lg's job is more time demanding than mine, so she gets few opportunities to post right now. She will be posting more once we get the 'net at home running again, which should be in the next month or so.

Keep Living.

C.

Punishment

lg,

tonight:

Five strokes with the flogger, for not writing last night, before your brother comes over and then the yellow ball stuffed into your pussy for one hour, whether your brother is there or not.

Next time will be with the cane...

C.

Contract

lg suggested to me that it would be helpful to her to have a concrete 'contract' of sorts to solidify our agreement for the next couple weeks.

So here it is, sweet. You can sign it tonight.

C.

Contract

I hereby authorize Blue to make ALL decisions for me including, but not limited to, issues of dress, food intake, bed times, rise times, bathroom privileges, etc., from Tuesday, July 12, 2005 to Sunday, July 24, 2005. I also agree that Blue may use my body at anytime for any purpose and in any way he sees fit. Only during work hours (those hours that I am actually clocked in) and with issues of privacy (i.e. house guests, etc.) will this agreement be temporarily lifted. I agree I have read and understand the rules previously written out and discussed. I also understand that if there are infractions of this contract, Blue has the authority to deal out punishment to me in any way he sees fit.

I am his.


Signature______________________________________________

Update

Well, the boy is somewhere over the Pacific ocean as I write this. He lands in Sydney at 7:20am Sydney time. Of course, the time thing has got me all turned around. He will actually arrive their on the 12th, but that’s today to us…whatever…lol
He was SOOO excited. Our son is usually very reserved and, well…’Cool’. On the way to and at the airport, he was beside himself and couldn’t stop talking. We couldn’t go to the gate with him so we watched him go through security through glass. I expected him to be his usual cool self and not really pay attention to us, but I was very pleasantly surprised. He waved at us nearly the whole time, aggravating the security workers. The smile on his face never left once and even when he got through security and could barely see us from the other side, he still was waving. I am so proud of myself and lg for providing this opportunity to our twelve year old son. Knowing that his perspective of the world around him is going to change so drastically in such a positive way is something that I wish all parents and kids could experience.
lg is handling it VERY well. Much better than I had anticipated. She still thinks about nothing but where he is at a particular moment, but there is no panic or over-worrying. She seems almost calm about it. That is, in part, due to the fact that we did not do daycare for the summer and just trusted in the boy to be good and were keeping track of him while we were at work by phone. Now he is with an organized and supervised group, and I think that is helping lg a lot.
Which is very good for OUR adventure. Our two weeks of training officially starts this evening as soon as we clock out at work. We are using a framework built from different essays found at Internal Enslavement (link is to your right). lg has agreed to do a 24/7 for these two weeks. Only while we are clocked in at work will she be free to make her own decisions. Other than that, all decisions will be made by myself. She has agreed that no matter what happens or what I decide for her and us, she will adhere to it and that, even if she disagrees with me and thinks I am completely wrong, any willfulness or arguing will be punished accordingly. For my part, I agreed that I would never lose sight that this MUST be a good experience for BOTH of us, not just my libido. We also agreed that we have plenty of time and that we don’t have to do every single thing, sexually, that I want her to do this session. For this reason I gave her the opportunity to pick a few things that are on her “Almost” on the hard-limits list that she wants me to concentrate on. Some of these are testing her pain threshold with spankings, whippings and clips (yum), cum swallowing, pussy stretching and some light pee play. This way she won’t be worrying about when I’m gonna shove my dick in her ass or pull out the needles.
I also want to spend quality time with her just going to the beach, out to eat, going for a drive, etc. I am positive that with me making all decisions, we will do more of these things instead of me watching the boob tube while lg cleans all day. She does not realize how hard she is on herself and I am hoping that this two weeks will help her realize that she can make time for herself and still take care of me and the boy. A happy submissive is a good submissive, and I plan on giving her everything she needs and wants. Plus, I plan on cumming at least twenty times over the next two weeks. : )
So, life is good and adventures abound.

Oh yea…and the fireworks KICKED ASS as usual! I should have pics next month sometime and possibly a small video clip if I can find a place to store it on the ‘net.

Anyway, I will try to keep my posts up to date through the next two weeks and lg will have some writing assignments so there may actually be a few new posts on her blog as well.

Keep Living Well.

C.